Queenie Baby: Pass the Eggnog Read online

  She started to ramble on about abstinence, when my mom asked, "She had a message for me?"

  My stepfather rolled his eyes. My mom was the world's biggest sucker for all things mystical. She was also superstitious beyond belief. "Please don't encourage this, Brandy."

  "Who's she seein' now?" Aunt Pearl asked loudly. "I swear she's always talkin' to someone or another."

  "So kind of you to notice Pearlie." Mammaw smiled at Aunt Pearl, then continued, "Yes, she said her name was Barbara, but everyone called her Babs."

  My mom gasped.

  Aunt Pearl said, "Now that's not nice. You shouldn't be scarin' Brandy like that."

  My grandmother, Aunt Pearl's sister, had been called Bab's, but she had died in a car accident when my mom was a child.

  Mammaw looked hurt. "I'm not trying to scare anyone. Oh, my, I probably shouldn't give you her message then."

  "That's a good idea," my stepfather agreed. "Just keep it to yourself."

  "No!" my mom cried. "What did she say?"

  Mammaw hesitated and then said, "She said your father wants to see you."

  A choked cry rose in my mom's throat. She hadn't seen her father since the accident. He'd turned her over to Aunt Pearl and walked out of her life. Not a card or a phone call in nearly forty years.

  "Did she say anything else?" my mom asked.

  "She said to make it quick, because he's fixing to join her for happy hour whatever that means."

  My mom fell into Dave's arms and sobbed against his shoulder.

  Granddaddy Hacker tried to bite a piece off of the intricate gingerbread house on the hall table. He managed to get the chimney in his mouth before the whole thing collapsed onto the floor in a heap.

  I looked over at the Jake and Victoria. Something told me they were already planning to be out of town next Christmas.

  CHAPTER TWO

  As the only single in the group, I was given the choice between a shoe box size room under the eaves in the attic or a blow up mattress in the study. I took the attic.

  My adult desire for privacy and sleep overcame childhood memories of unexplained drafts and things from above that went bump in the night. When we'd play truth or dare it was a toss up as to whether you'd be dared to go to the attic or the basement. The attic was also the location of my first make-out session with Kyle. He was a good kisser; I hoped it made for some sweet dreams.

  I was pleasantly surprised to find the renovation had extended to the attic. Beautiful hardwood floors shown brightly in the waning sunlight drifting lazily through the one window. The window had a thick cushioned seat; a perfect reading nook. There was a twin bed with an heirloom quilt against one wall and a gas fireplace against the other.

  "I'm sorry it's so small. The gas fireplace is also your main source of heat," Victoria apologized with an accent that sounded vaguely Russian.

  "It's beautiful! You've done such an amazing job on the house."

  She smiled. "It's been a labor of love. And, of course, Jake is an amazing carpenter."

  "Looks like his business has survived the recession."

  "It was slow for awhile, but he's as busy as ever now. I've started doing some interior decorating and sewing custom drapery. It's nice to have a flexible schedule," she said, looking out the window.

  "Yeah, I temp around music gigs. It works for me," I replied, following her line of site.

  "I'm glad you've all come for Christmas."

  I shook my head. "Hope you and Jake know what you're getting into."

  Her smile reached her eyes this time. "We do now. Look," she said pointing to the window, "your Granddaddy is trying to help Jake chop wood."

  I glanced out the window. Granddaddy could barely lift an axe let alone chop wood. The last thing we needed was for him throw his back out again.

  I slid the latch and opened the window. "Granddaddy! Stop that right now!"

  He looked up and gave me a wave. "I'm choppin' wood!"

  I shook my head and leaned further out the window. Icy snow flakes pelted my face. "No! Put that axe down! You're going to throw your back out again."

  He waved me off. "Just quit yer jawin'. I've been choppin' wood since before any of y'all were born."

  He turned back to the wood pile. Jake looked up at me in confusion, and I gave him the no-go signal. "He'll throw his back out," I yelled again.

  Jake gave me a thumbs up and put down the axe. After some gesturing and some grumbling, Granddaddy headed back to the house.

  He shook his fist at me as he went by. I leaned back in and closed the window. My face was frozen and my hair was wet.

  Victoria handed me a towel. Her lips curved in a sad smile, and there were tears in her eyes. "Are you okay?" I asked.

  She wiped her eyes and waved away my concerns. "I am fine. Just being sentimental. You have so much family. They must give you a full life."

  Oh, yeah, they gave me a full life. I didn't think it would be right to tell her how full. "It's a mixed blessing," I replied diplomatically.

  "We don't see Jake's family much, and I haven't been back to Romania since we were married. And, of course, we don't have a family of our own yet…" Her voice trailed off sadly.

  So that was the problem, I thought. "So you've been trying for awhile?"

  She nodded. "We've tried in-vitro twice without any success. It just doesn't seem to be possible."

  "What about adoption?" I asked.

  "We've been on a list for two years. I had hoped that we could adopt in Romania, but the changes in the laws have made it more difficult. It would require us to be gone for several months; it is almost impossible with the businesses." She shook her head, wiping fresh tears away.

  I patted her arm. This conversation made me uncomfortable. It got my clock ticking and brought up a myriad of "what ifs" about having a family of my own. I was only seven years younger than Victoria, and my boyfriend Mark hadn't been making any let's-get-married noises. He was even too busy to join me for Christmas. Not that I was ready to settle down yet, but what if I waited too long? Yikes!

  "I'm sorry to dump this on you," she apologized. She wiped her eyes and stared out the window.

  "You're not dumping on me. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and Jake. If any couple deserves a baby, it's you two."

  She smiled. "Thanks."

  "Besides, there's always hope. I've found that the universe likes to toy around with you before giving you what you want. My career has taken off, but I'm spending Christmas without Mark. Not exactly going according to my master plan." I shrugged. I finally meet the man of my dreams, and suddenly he can't decide if he's a real estate developer or a CIA agent. Right now I was giving him space to work it all out. After all the space he gave me during my big tour, it was the least I could do.

  "I've been following you on Facebook. I can't wait to see you perform live," she replied enthusiastically. "Do you happen to know any Christmas carols?"

  * * * * *

  Things were calmer when I made my way back downstairs a half hour later. Aunt Pearl and Mammaw were sitting with Uncle Grover by the fire. My sister's kids were in the backyard playing in the snow with Granddaddy, while their father snored loudly on the couch in the den off the kitchen.

  Ashley and Victoria were baking cookies and planning the Christmas production in the kitchen. I assumed The Parents were hiding out in their rooms with a bottle of something. My mom had gulped a shot of whiskey to calm her nerves after the reunion with her dead mother. Dave had promised to go into town to see if they could find out anything about her father. He had also extracted a promise from Mammaw for no further communications with the dead.

  "I've had another thought," my sister said without preamble.

  "Congratulations," I replied.

  She stuck her tongue out at me.

  "You two make me miss my little sister," Victoria said with a laugh.

  "Do you still have that dumbwaiter? I'd like to stuff her inside and send her to the creepy basement for old
time's sake."

  Victoria shook her head and laughed harder. "No. We got rid of it when we did the renovation."

  "Guess you're in luck, Ashley."

  She gave me a finger that described exactly what I could do with old times and then marched forward with her new idea. "So anyway…about my new idea. I think we should do White Christmas. We can sing the 'Sisters' song together!"

  "You're kidding, right?"

  She started humming the song. "Sisters, sisters," she began and grabbed a towel off the counter. She twirled around, using it as a fan. "Come on," she urged, snapping the towel at me.

  I rolled my eyes. How did I get talked into these things?

  I chimed in during the second verse and grabbed another towel. We did a pretty good job of twirling in unison and imitating the dance scene from the movie. The singing was a little rough.

  We finished to applause from Victoria and The Grands, who had shuffled in at the sound of a song from their era.

  "I adore White Christmas," Uncle Grover cooed.

  "It beats the crap outta what's out there now," Aunt Pearl agreed.

  "That was so great!" Ashley cried. "We have to do White Christmas, Diana."

  I set my towel back on the counter and grabbed a paper thin sugar cookie off a hot cookie sheet. "It's a movie with two sisters. I see how that would work. But who's going to play Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye? Granddaddy and Dan?"

  Ashley made a face. I couldn't tell if it was due to the thought of Granddaddy or her husband taking part in the production.

  "Granddaddy or Uncle Grover could play the General. Maybe Jake could play Bing Crosby?"

  Victoria laughed. "He's not much of a singer."

  Ashley snapped her fingers. "We could lip sync."

  "And Dan would play Danny Kaye to your Vera-Ellen?" I asked. "I guess that makes sense. He's got the same name."

  Ashley realized she was cornered. "I guess that would work."

  "What would work?" Dan asked with a yawn. His hair was sticking up all over his head.

  "You playing the part of Danny Kaye in White Christmas," I replied.

  Dan shrugged and stuffed a handful of Christmas cookies in his mouth. "I don't really like musicals, but that movie's a good one. What'llI have to do?"

  My sister stared at him. Cookie crumbs clung to his mustache.

  "Sing and dance," I said.

  "I'll give it my best shot." Dan was nothing if not agreeable. "Whatcha say, sweetie? You wanna be my Ginger Rogers?" He swatted my sister on the rear.

  "It's Vera-Ellen, not Ginger Rogers," she snapped.

  I could tell she was wondering how she got herself in this predicament. I think she had someone more enchanting in mind to play Danny Kaye to her Vera-Ellen. Fortunately, he was across the country working on his next tour. My sister had experienced life with a rockstar during my first brush with fame a couple of summers ago. Now she had a taste for both. I glanced over at Dan. Kinda like getting your first bite of filet mignon after years of hamburger.

  "Aww," I said, stirring the pot some more. "You two will be cute together!"

  Ashley glared at me. "That's not the point. We want the production to be as professional as possible, and Dan's not a very good dancer."

  "Hey, he's willing. Which is more than I can say for the rest of us."

  Dan looked hurt. He took a handful of cookies and headed back to the couch.

  "Fine," Ashley snapped. "But I'm done defending you from The Grands."

  I wrinkled my brow. "What are you talking about?"

  "Oh," she said loftily, "didn't you know? They're on a mission to get you a man for Christmas."

  "It'll be a Christmas miracle!" Aunt Pearl proclaimed.

  "What? Are you kidding?" I asked with growing dread.

  "Yep, Queenie Baby. We decided you need a man. A real man," said Granddaddy.

  "I have a man, Granddaddy. It's Mark. You've met him, remember?" I grabbed another cookie and looked around for the whiskey bottle.

  "Well, not fer nothin', but I don't see him here spendin' Christmas with you and yer family. I don' reckon a man like that is lookin' to get married any time soon. An' yer gettin' a little long in the tooth if catch my drift," he replied.

  "Do you have to be so crass, Hacker?" Uncle Grover sniffed.

  "Shut yer piehole before I shut it for you," Granddaddy snapped.

  "Now, dear, don't get upset," Mammaw said softly. "We just don't want you to be lonely."

  "Where did you all get this crazy idea?" I asked.

  The three Grands looked at Mammaw. She pointed her wrinkled finger up and gestured towards the ceiling. "Your family is worried about you, dear. You have to admit, you don't have much Christmas spirit. We thought a nice boy would cheer you up."

  "The Parents are involved in this?" I asked incredulously.

  "No, dear, your other family," she gestured upwards again.

  We all looked up.

  "The dead ones," Granddaddy said.

  I stared at The Grands. They nodded in unison.

  "Ghosts are worried about my love life?" I asked.

  "Not exactly your love life, dear. They're worried about your lack of Christmas spirit. Well, mainly your Granny Babs. She's getting everyone else riled up."

  "We decided that a man would fix you right up. Get you in the spirit," added Aunt Pearl. The Grands nodded again.

  "What makes you all so sure this is true?" Ashley asked. She seemed as surprised as I was by this.

  "Mammaw says so. We all know she talks to the dead. Heck, how do you think I found my teeth last month?" Aunt Pearl asked.

  I shook my head. "You can tell the dead my Christmas spirit is just the way I like. And you all can stay out of my love life." I gestured to The Grands.

  "Well, dear, it's not always easy to tell them what to do," Mammaw whispered. "They really don't like that."

  "Tell them they need to work on something more important like helping Victoria and Jake have a baby," I suggested.

  Victoria sucked in her breath, and I realized I may have just stuck my foot in my mouth.

  Aunt Pearl was like a hound on the hunt. "You two havin' troubles with baby makin'?" She pointed a crooked finger at Victoria.

  Victoria nodded. "We've tried for years and been to all the doctors. We've been on the adoption list for two years."

  "Hmrph!" Aunt Pearl glared at her for a second, and then her face softened. "I always thought you didn't have young 'uns because you didn't want the bother. How come you two never told me about your troubles?"

  "Because we knew you'd blame Victoria," said Jake as he came in from the mudroom. His cheeks were ruddy from the cold. His salt and pepper hair gave him a weathered, ruggedly handsome look.

  "Well, I wouldn't have," Aunt Pearl replied. "I've got some experience with the matter myself. Why do you think you're an only child? Not to mention I was forty when you were born. The doctor said it was a miracle. Acted like I was The Virgin Mary. Which couldn't have been further from the truth. Me and your daddy never passed up a chance to jump between the sheets!" she cackled.

  I grimaced as that image burned itself into my brain. I felt like an idiot. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize it was a secret."

  Jake waved a hand. "It's good to get it out. You did us a favor."

  "Why's it takin' so long to adopt?" Granddaddy asked.

  "Just the way it works," Jake said sadly.

  "It doesn't seem right," said Uncle Grover, shaking his head.

  Mammaw had wandered off from the group. Her back was to us, but I could see her little wrinkled hands gesturing excitedly.

  "Getting some more intel, Mammaw?" I asked. Jeez, this was getting ridiculous.

  "Oh my, how exciting!" she exclaimed turning to us. "Oh, yes, of course," she murmured turning her head slightly.

  We waited expectantly.

  "Don' just stand there. What'd the haints tell ya?" Granddaddy barked.

  "Oh, dear, I really can't talk about that right now," she said
with a tiny frown. Then she brightened up. "But Jake you don't have to play Bing Crosby anymore!"

  We all groaned. From babies to Bing Crosby. Mammaw's attention flitted around like a canary hopping around its cage.

  "Didn't know I was," Jake said with a laugh.

  "Why's that, Mammaw?" I asked.

  "Because there's a nice young man on his way over for you. And his grandmother tells me he's a wonderful dancer." Mammaw smiled serenely.

  The doorbell rang.

  Everyone looked at me.

  "Guess you should answer it," Jake said.

  "You've all lost your minds, you know that?" I said, heading for the door. "There's no nice young man at the door unless it's the mailman." They followed me to the door.

  I reached the knob and hesitated for a split second. I have to admit I was a little creeped out by all the ghost talk. I couldn't back down now, though. I turned the knob and opened the heavy oak door.

  Standing in the doorway was a man who looked remarkably like Paul Bunyan or maybe the guy from the Brawny paper towel commercial. He was even wearing a red flannel shirt. He was so tall, I had to tilt my head back to see his bearded face.

  "Diana?" The man sounded surprised.

  Dumbfounded, I just nodded.

  "You sure grew up nice," he said, before he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me off my feet.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The family gasped as he twirled me around the room. He smelled like pine needles and a wood stove. His beard tickled my face as he gave me a jolly kiss on the cheek.

  "See how he can dance," Mammaw exclaimed. "How nice."

  Jake stepped forward. "It's just Kyle from the farm next door. Everybody can calm down."

  Kyle set me on my feet. His eyes twinkled with good-natured mischief. "If I'd known you were coming, I'd have taken more care with my groomin'. What a surprise!"

  "Yeah," I stammered, "so good to see you again."

  "Come on in, and get warmed up, Kyle. Get you a beer?" Jake asked.